i found god in myself & i loved her / i loved her fiercely.
~Ntozake Shange

My Bio

I was given the name M'kali-Hashiki by a Priest of Oshun in the Ifa tradition (I added the apostrophe & hyphen to help with pronounciation & to show that it's my whole “first” name, not a first name & last name). It is pronounced “em-KAH-lee-HAH-she-kee“ & means “fierce passion“ in Swahili. I believe that we are all entitled to have passion in our lives, and to understand how being connected to our passion & creativity enhances our lives & the lives of those around us. It is my fierce passion for a happy, healthy, world that compels me to do this work.

According to astrology, Scorpios reign over the realms of Sex & Death. As a Scorpio, I have always been curious and intrigued by sexuality, and feel that my erotic sense is the most calibrated of all my senses, and is the filter through which I experience the world.

I have a complex sexuality & sexual history. I have personal experience with polyamory, nonmonogamy, BDSM, and achieving sexual mystical states. I am—and have always been—a “sexual outlaw”; along with being a “triple minority” (Black, female, and queer), this has allowed me to view society's standards on sexuality with a critical eye. Once I came out and became a queer rights activist & organizer I was really able to see the ways in which “standard sexuality” limits us, and separates us from our power.

I was a precocious child, and my sexual education was not exempt. As a child I read everything on sex I could get my hands on, spanning everything from Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex: But Were Afraid To Ask, to Cosmopolitan. I had my first sexual experience at age 9, and I created my own vibrator at age 12. As an adult, I was always the person in my social and professional networks that everyone else came to for answers about sex-related questions.

I am a Trauma Survivor currently addressing my past 38 years of untreated PTSD. I understand the ways in which our triggers hide from us, popping up when we least expect it; the ways trauma can influence even the most mundane actions in our day-to-day lives. While my traumatic incident was not sexual trauma, it still had an impact on my erotic growth & sexuality development due to generalized anxiety & self-image issues; issues that I have been mostly able to integrate (rather than suppress).

Since 1991, I have facilitated and co-facilitated numerous workshops & panels on sexuality and politics across the country: at clinics, festivals, conferences, and universities. My essays on various aspects of sexuality have been published in 'zines, feminist journals, and popular anthologies.

My Beliefs

I believe that healing is not something that one person does to another—with proper support, bodies heal themselves (& I don't believe “heal” is necessarily synonomous with “cure”). The healing process that occurs between 2 (or more) people simply has 1 person who, because of inherent and/or learned ability, is more effective at the creation & maintenance of an energetic space for this healing to occur (or may take on those responsibilities for a session with another healer). In a healing session either both people are healing, or neither are healing; there is no other option. I believe true healing cannot be unidirectional.

A former professional social justice organizer on a national & then regional level, I have been deeply influenced in my personal, professional, and political lives by Audre Lorde's essay The Uses Of The Erotic: The Erotic As Power (I urge you to find a copy & read it, pronto!). I believe her point that in order to maintain itself, oppression requires the repression of the erotic. Because of my lived experiences and my past political work; because of the lies we are constantly told about what sex should be, about what is normal and acceptable; and because of the sexual truths that are vilified; I view this work as a form of political rebellion. I believe cultivating our own inherent erotic power is part of a larger, radical framework for dismantling oppression. I believe it is necessary step in the goal for justice for all.

I believe sexually and erotically empowered people challenge the status-quo of our repressive, violent, and earth-destroying culture. Once we realize that our bodies are sacred, we must realize that other bodies are sacred, including that of Mother Earth.

I believe that this work can change the world, one body at a time.

Spend some time in my Haven & experience the change for yourself.

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